Undercovered
by TheGoddessfreya
Summary: Roy Mustang, the elite bachelor of blooming Amestris usually was the one being chased, what will he do when Riza becomes the elite bachelorette? How will he able to keep his woman to himself? Hilarious Antics of desperation Highly [Royai]&[Edwin]
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Hagane no renkinjutsushi is not mine!!! Though I wish Riza is mine**. 

**A/N: Yo! Its me Freya and I'm here making some fanfics of my adorable Royai…for being in for 4 years, it's my first time to actually make one, So go easy on me! And I'm not the OC fan so you won't be seeing Riza turn into OC. And yes this is a story regarding the life of a certain Colonel and his Men who is desperately protecting Hawkeye lol. No this is not the Continuation of the movie and no Mustang has no eye patch!!!**

Chapter 1:

Did I just hear that?

Roy Mustang cannot believe what he is hearing. No, it was all practically taboo. Not only did it give him a shockwave in the brain, and also started the worst headaches he ever had.

_People started flirting with his Lieutenant._

And No, it wasn't pleasing, and yes he wanted to grill his men nice and raw, with cheese and some fried onions on top. Just because the Grand Ball is over, and all had laid eyes to how beautiful/gorgeous/hot his lieutenant was. Everyone has been asking out hawkeye for a lunch or a dinner, and it is pushing Mustang's temper to the edge. One thing he found out after all this.

_The Flame Alchemist was not happy, and that ball sucked ass period._

FlashBack:

_Everyone was having a blast, Champagne's and appetizers were being brought out. Everyone was having a great conversation, Men were all in tuxedos and women were all in long-evening gowns. There in the backstage, Roy was adjusting the position of a carnation pinned in his pocket, twirling it around admiring how it's pink-kissed petals was arranged in such significant order. He turned around to a woman who can be compared with a carnation's beauty, "The Ball's starting, ready to walk with me my lieutenant?" Roy asked, now awed by the golden goddess beside him. "Actually, I'm a bit yes and a no." The woman replied, embracing his arms with hers, they walked as soon as they were called._

"_Now, Let us ask to come down. Colonel. Roy Mustang and his 1__st__ Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye!" announced by the host. Signaling Roy and his arm-in-arm Riza to go down the delicately designed, bronze, stairway going down towards the audience. Once the curtain was opened, Roy and Riza went down. Roy was in a manly black tuxedo with a silver collar shirt with a cross-chained necklace; don't forget the pink carnation that finishes every last look needed. And there was Riza, The woman in Dazzling Black turtleneck, short-sleeved gown that wrapped every smooth curves her womanly features, and fell down gently on the brisk floors. Her hair touched her neck and went straight down curling on her shoulders, every men was left with a smirk on their faces after seeing her._

_Everyone applauded and stood up to the perfect couple before them, No woman can miss a single handsome smile of the young Man's face and neither are the men to the lady._

End of Flashback:

Roy grunted and banged his head with some book he found, "I knew it was a goddamn risk to let Riza go away like that, it's like damn suicide!" Then Riza came from the door, it was normal to see her carrying stacks of blank papers. But not with roses on top of them! Roy cannot stop the pissed sign in his forehead and twitching of the eye. He stood up and walked over to his lieutenant.

"Hey there lieutenant, what's are those your carrying?" He asked, eyeing the roses given. "_Damn is that a leilira one, that's damn expensive_." He thought. Riza looked up and replied "They are roses sir, I do hope you know what they are."

"Ah stupid me, I should go take care of them for you! These roses are quite heavy together!" Roy offered, "Actually Sir, I can take care of them. They are not that heavy as you think." She said, while eagerly separating those to be issued today. "Colonel, I believe your work is heavier than those roses you are holding, surely you do not want a bandage near you arm today."

Roy knew what that meant and sat down as fast as a blink of an eye. He sweated hard while looking at how his lieutenant was staring at him with those eyes. He just couldn't beat his lieutenant.

"hey, lieutenant." Roy started again, "Did you know where these roses came from? Mind if I burn them for you?" …"No sir, as soon as I came from the guardhouse, it was in my locker. And No you may not burn them."

Sighing, he gave up and started scribbling in those blank papers, but still staying guard to his lieutenant by the corner of his eyes. She didn't look like what she did in the ball, it was like hell when it came to the difference. The over exaggerated thickness of the cloth hid her curves and that damn clip is taking away her womanliness. But it is a shield to those darn lurking eyes of men in the military, and he hated it.

Suddenly, He saw Hawkeye having trouble with the roses because of their incredible number. "I would get a vase for you lieutenant." Roy ran to the C.R. to get a vase and put some good amount of water in. When he was finished, he was hurrying to go to the lieutenant when he didn't notice he was holding it clumsily and some water fell. Riza didn't know the spilled water and when she turned backward, she slid off her boots and fell flat on the ground. Then Roy happen to be near her was in the collision and also fell. "AgghhhH!HH!H!!" yelled Roy, Officially Rubbing his butt when suddenly someone spoke, "Sir Get off me."

Roy didn't realize he was sitting on his lieutenant when she was all soaked in water. "Oooopsss……" was all he managed to say. He immediately lend a hand to his lieutenant. "I am so sorry lieutenant, I was just trying to be of assistance but." Riza cut him off saying, "Sir, I think I should be the one of assistance. Don't worry what is done is done. But I'm worried about my uniform."

Roy couldn't disagree she was wet, the vase was huge and it really fell on Riza hard. "Wanna go to the clinic? I bet there are uniforms there to be borrowed."….."But Sir isn't it closed to day? I believe the doctors were moved to the east to help with the stampede."…"Your Right, Do you have a spare one lieutenant?"…"It's on the Cleaners today, I do have one, but it's the uniform Skirt."

When Roy was about to protest, he was left alone in the office and he could have sworn to see some wheel dusts hovering around somewhere.

"Wait…lieutenant in a skirt……………………………Oh MY God..LIEUTENANNNNTTTT!!!!?!??!?!?!?!?!?"

End:

HEYYY I finally ended it wooohoooo lol anyway reviews and reviews!!! Thanks!!!


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Hagane no renkinjutsushi is not mine!!! Though I wish Riza is mine**.

**A/N: Yo! Its me Freya and I'm here making some fanfics of my adorable Royai…for being in for 4 years, it's my first time to actually make one, So go easy on me! And I'm not the OC fan so you won't be seeing Riza turn into OC. And yes this is a story regarding the life of a certain Colonel and his Men who is desperately protecting Hawkeye lol. No this is not the Continuation of the movie and no Mustang has no eye patch !!!**

**Oh I forgot………………….this fic got hard-core swearing, and colorful languages beware.**

**Chapter 2:**

**Strategy!? Failure or Success from constipation?**

"ROY GET YOUR COOL, YOUR HOT, SUCCESSFUL, WONDERFUL and HANDSOME….HOT, SUCCESSFUL, WONDERFUL and HANDSOME…" Roy repeated to himself while walking unsteadily along the hallways, swinging his head sideways to see the people inside the rooms. He was on his way to find his men and help his mission in recovering Hawkeye, and he swore if he found havoc flirting or stupidly trying to play dead somewhere. He'd knock the living daylights out of havoc so he wouldn't pretend and finally die and go to hell.

"Pain in my ass…" Roy thought, trying to look in tiny corners and under some chairs and tables. And people were sweat-dropping from his actions. Just then, Roy saw a puny soldier with some nerdy-glasses. "Good Lord, FUREY!" He yelled, running to the boy and holds his shoulders in relief. Master Sergeant. Kain Furey saluted, "Morning Colonel, what's the prob?", "WHAT"S MY PROB? My lieutenant is MISSING and I need you and the men and I'm somewhat wanting to eat something but I don't know what to eat!", "Then sir you could always. Woooaaaahh!!!!!"

Grabbing Furey, Roy explained," We got no time Furey, Riza's hands is in our fate...we must!" Furey interrupted him saying "No Sir. you got it wrong….Riza's fate is in our hands!" Roy looked at him, "Can you please just shut for awhile…and where is the godamn playing dead who's got busted every week and goes to the bar to explode his ass."

"Ouch Colonel, just plain Ouch." And out came Havoc, whistling while opening a pack of cigars. "Whazzuuup???'' Roy suddenly came to Havoc "Come with me, Furey call Farman and Breda, We got work to do." "Yes Sir!"

"So what the hell are we here? Don't tell me we'll go stripping and love our youthfulness?" Questioned Havoc, "All of us are here already, Farman" "Here" "Breda" "Yo" "Furey" "Present." Roy swiveled in his chair and looked at them, trying to start a mission-type atmosphere, he started " Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye, is now currently missing, left around 14:00, went toward south east and currently is in prone to molestation." "WHAT!? The lieutenant is prone to rape!? HOW COME?" Furey asked, worried what might have happened. "How can this be? She's just in the military." Havoc said while dumping a cigarette to die…"She wouldn't flirt any one and anyone couldn't flirt with her." Havoc then heard a snap and he ran for cover near the Cr. "NOW MEN! AS HER COMRADES AND SUPERIOR. WE MUST SAVE HAWKEYE!!! AND I HAVE A PLAN" Roy triumphantly declared. The Men got excited and also cheered with him. Havoc knew this day was shit.

**1.)Roy's ultimate and no flaws ever and ever forever Strategy Plan "A"**

_Roy and his men surrounds the women's locker room, first unleash tear gas and forcibly open the women's locker door and ambush the rapist/mafia/goons(what Roy calls them), Then Roy will carry the scared/fragile (I repeat "Fragile") Riza out of the room and then._

"_Oh Roy, you surely are HOT, SUCCESSFUL, WONDERFUL and HANDSOME! Kiss me!" Demands Riza. Roy smirks and says, "I couldn't ask for more"…"Roy"…"Riza"…"Roy!!!"…"Riza!!!" and their heads is coming closer when….._

"Colonel!!! We got the tear gas." Havoc informed. Roy shooked his head from the daydream and complied with it. "NOW MEN..are we READY!?!!?!?"…"YES SIR!!!"…."REALLY READY?"….."YES SIR!!!"…."REALLY REALLY REALLY READY?"……."whatever sir…"………"Fine… let's go then."

The men walked their way to the hallways equipped with ammos and tranquilizers and guns. Leading themselves until they found the door where the Lady's Locker room was written. All had different thoughts in mind.

Roy: "I can finally get to see a nude Riza…I may end dead but it's a sure pay!"

Havoc: "I wanna know what it looks like when women wear thongs."

Furey: "Are we allowed to even go inside? Won't they mind?"

Breda: "Pain in the ass…maybe if I'm lucky I could find a cheese burger!?"

Farman: "Women, 99 Moodswings and 1 kindness."

Roy took a long Breath, "NOW RIZA IS FINALLY MINE! MUWHAHAHAHA…."

The men stared like him like…"WTF!?!?!?!?"…."Oh wait make me rephrase that….NOW It'S FINALLY BEGUN!" The men was about to open the tear gas and yank the door open. A fat curly red-headed woman appeared and lifted Roy by the Collar. "Whet iz ze mining of dez celenel? Whet zo ya plen on my women's locker room eh?" Roy shivered and the other men stepped back, it was Ma'am Donya, the manager of the halls. She was the most strict, fat flabbed woman Roy ever saw. Her pinches were like the burn of hell and the fact she knew judo sucks ass. Roy Forgot Ma'am Donya was this floor's manager.

"Oh shit………"………"AGHH!!??!"…."STOOP!"…."FUCK!!! MY BALLS!"…"NOOOOO MOOOTHERRRRRR!!!!"…."NOT MY BOOBOO BITCH!"…"NIPPLE TWISSSST!?!?!?!?!?"

The men retreated to the men's Cr, and fell flat on the ground with bruises cuts and even hickeys…(EWWW) Roy tried to wash his Now Black eyed eye on the mirror…"THIS MEANS WARRRR"…"

**Roy's ultimate and no flaws ever and ever forever Strategy Plan "A"**

**Failed**

**2.) Roy's ultimate and no flaws ever and ever forever Strategy Plan "B"**

_Roy and his men will go from the outside and burst inside through the windows and eventually ambush the rapist/mafia/goons/gays. And Save Riza in her shower and carries her outside and gives her a towel and covers his eyes. "I respect you Riza…"…"Oh Roy you truly are HOT, SUCCESSFUL, WONDERFUL and HANDSOME! No need for this towel!"…"Riza? do you want to do this in this place, don't mind if I…."_

"Colonel! Were all set." Havoc gingerly shaking Mustang off his daydream. "Fuck off Havoc, I was having the best daydreams in my life!" Irritated Roy led the in the garden and told them to crawl carefully under the bushes. The men crawled their way and finally came to their destination. "At last! Once this windows are open I can finally see my RizaaaaaAAAAAARGGGHHHH!!!!" Roy screeched when Hot water fell above them.

"Ohhh I zizn't knew zat celenel would go zat far, I jazt spilled on you boiling spoiled macaroni soup…sorreeey" Ma'am Donya sang. While sheepishly closed the window.

**Roy's ultimate and no flaws ever and ever forever Strategy Plan "B"**

**Failed**

**3.) Roy's ultimate and no flaws ever and ever forever Strategy Plan "C"**

_Roy will forcible dress Havoc as a Girl and let him in. After a while, Havoc will go out with a cart and all of them will go inside of the cart and will be let inside and kick the shin outta the rapist/mafia/goons/gays/mongoloids and save Riza in Romeo Juliet Style. And Riza will go. "Oh Roy, you are forever, HOT, SUCCESSFUL, WONDERFUL and HANDSOME! Hold me in your arms my prince of the skies!"…"Oh Riza, you know I wouldn't pass a chance for your loving embrace……"_

"Colonel, HEY COLONEL…HECK I WOULD WEAR THAT FUCKIN WIG!?" Havoc struggled while being tied up bye Breda and Farman. "I wonder what the 2nd lieutenant would look like with Pink cheeks." Kain added….Breda laughed "OOOH….lets give him the reddest lips ever!" Roy sighed, "Havoc it's just for a minute, think about hawkeye." …"FUCK ABOUT HAWKEYE! MY PRIDE IS AT STAKE"

"Now my pride is at stake." Havoc complained, The guys were all sneering at him and even his own fellow co-workers were laughing at him. Roy patted his shoulder and said, "Don't worry, Hawkeye will understand your position of saving her from this rapists/mafia/goons/gays/mongoloids/bastards."…"Colonel can you tell me why your always adding another insult on the phrase?" SPACK! "Just do you work."

Havoc swallowed hard and walked as butt-swayed walk he could ever do, he could hear Kain laughing and would plan to kill him by the sharks later on. Havoc tossed his uniquely golden hair and was about to enter when the door opened and Ma'am Donya came outside. "Who are you?" she asked, eyeing him suspiciously. Havoc wanna scream like gay and do the wiggy dance but he mustered, "Jeanlyn Havida, New recruit Ma'am!"…"Oh you're a new recruit, why your so tall."…"Thank you"…"and lean"…"Thank you"…."and has sturdy balls"…"Errrr"…..

"NOOOOOOOOooO!!!!!!!!!"….."SHE BROKE MY BALLS INTO FOUR HALVES!!!" "THE PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIINNNNNNN……"

"Ouch that gotta hurt " Roy thought and Breda and Farman covered Furey's eyes. To their Horror Ma'am Donya came to them and said, "Why I zo not know wht all of ye are zoing dez, in se punishment. You'll eat spoiled spinach soup tozay…"

After that day the men experienced Nausea, diarrhea, LBM, and numerous succession in constipation problems…..

Riza comes out from the Locker room wearing the same outfit as she did before…"Thanks Louisa for the spare pants, I'll return them tomorrow."…"Sure Riza." And walks back to the Office. She opens the door to her disappointment, "No paperwork done, Colonel you shall pay tom."

END

A/N: YOOOOOOOOOO Im finished…many errors but anyway to lazy to reformat! You know the story and the plot then it's fine! Tune in for chapter 2!


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